I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
