My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
