she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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