Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
