you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
