I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
