wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
