you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
