It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
