If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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