i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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