You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize