Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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