can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
