Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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