You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
