She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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