new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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