who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
should my penis look like a turkey
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
