Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
