She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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