Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
