So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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