that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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