Someone shit on the floor
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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