Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
