i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
