Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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