You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
