I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
