I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
