She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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