yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
