i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
