theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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