Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
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I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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