Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
should my penis look like a turkey
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
