Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
