I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
