I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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