we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize