Pappa wants mamma naked
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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