is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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