I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
