Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
