i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
