oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
