When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
