So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
