How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
