you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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