That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
