I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
