You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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