You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'm really busy with my period
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