whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
