i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
