"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think my vagina is haunted
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
