who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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