I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
