hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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