i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
