I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
