Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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