I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
