I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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