Kiss
Puke
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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