Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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