Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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