I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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