Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
