I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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