yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
