The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
