My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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