Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need to sanitize my soul.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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