The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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