haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
